I’m going to make a personal confession. I think that I am my own worst enemy at times and especially when it comes to relationships. I can dwell on all the tiny things that need work and all the “opposite” ideas and ways that my husband has that can completely clash with my own and it can be a huge contributor to stress in our home and our relationship.
I’ve done some serious soul searching and come to a very simple conclusion that I hope might also help someone else.
It came to me very profoundly. I found one of my old journals that I was writing in daily after the end of my 14 year marriage, as my divorce was finalizing. I was so focused on being single at that point in my life. The fall and destruction of my marriage had made it very clear to me what went wrong and that the qualities that would ever cause me to consider marriage again, were very rare. I wrote the following in my journal, it was much more lengthy, but these words jumped out at me when I found it…
My prayer for a REAL MAN:
•A man who sees me , just as God sees me, for who I am In Christ, not for my looks, not for where I’ve been or what I’ve done in my past
And this is the final part that jumped out at me :
A man….a real man….courageous, bold, wise, silent when he needs to be, loving, gentle, hard when he needs to be but most of all, A Strong Man of God…everything else falls into place if that’s there.
Wow….have you ever been convicted by YOUR OWN WORDS? I prayed for a man posessing very specific qualities and yet for the past year, I have nit picked and analyzed each and every little thing that we don’t agree on, justifying to myself that I was still being careful having come from a failed marriage.
I’ve compare our attitudes and values about wordly things like cleaning/working around the house or our perspectives on handling money…all so that in the back of my mind, subconsciously, I have a reason if this marriage were to fail. Can my Christian friends please stand up and shout with me…DEVIL, you are NOT welcome Here, anymore!!! Satan is a liar and a thief and he comes to seek and destroy that which God might yet still be building!
When I read my prayer from that journal, I realized that God did miraculously bring me a man that is so very rarely “untainted” by this world in the way he views and treats women. This was of HUGE importance to me. So much so, that I didn’t wear makeup, fix my hair or get dressed up for the first couple monthes we dated! I was doing my own silly “test” to make sure he was with me for ME and not for anything based on looks, etc.
As for the rest of my “prayer request” for qualities – I stated “Gentle, Loving, Hard when he needs to be”…and without a doubt, this sums him up to a tee.
In that prayer I said “everything else falls into place if that’s there” and this was my kick in the pants. That is exactly right! How much time I’ve spent analyzing our relationship ( this might be a by-product of it being a 2nd marriage) and wondering if we had what it takes to make it last for the long haul. When all along, obviously, God brought him into my life and placed us together for a reason. It will never be perfect, but it is a work in progress…as ALL marriages are.
I think we get so caught up in the little things, that we forget the biggest thing of all! God created EVE so that Adam would not be alone. It’s that simple. He didn’t create a whole group of women and decide which one would be best for Adam. He created Eve, that she would be “his Helper” and his companion. Is it possible for us to really apply this to our marriages? To view our spouse as the one that God gave to us, so that we would not be alone and that we would have a helper for all that we face in this life?
1 out of every 3 marriages ends in divorce. I wonder what would happen if we simplified our “spousal requirements” and our own role responsibility in our marriage?
I’m so very grateful that I stumbled on my old journal for this reminder and yes..slap in the face! I pray that I will keep that conviction in my heart on a daily basis, knowing that God is still shaping and molding me into the woman and wife He wants me to be. I’m going to make a point to let my husband know how very grateful I am that God chose Him to be my partner and that the qualities that make him so different from all the rest, far outweigh the minor issues we face from time to time. That does make it all worth it!